You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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