I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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