They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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