God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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