i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
