Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am one with the molecules
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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