So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
