Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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