I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
