I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
