Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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