I looked at my own cervix.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
