Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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