I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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