how can u be prego again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
