honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
