i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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