we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm at about main and main street
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
