ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
