is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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