the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
