Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
