You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
