You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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