Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
