the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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