While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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