You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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