The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
