Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
