I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
