it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
