so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
