I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
