They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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