Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
