The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
