There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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