dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
