I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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