I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
