so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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