I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The beer is more important than you right now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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