The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
