so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
