I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
