I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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