I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
