whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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