can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
