Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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