I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
