Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
